When The World Ends
by DisneyDreamer07
Summary: For a thousand years, the battle has been waged. The sole reason humans and elves are locked in a never-ending war: The Stick of Truth. But the tides of war are soon to change as word of a new kid spreads throughout the land, your coming foretold by the stars. As the moving vans of prophecy drive away, your adventure begins.
1. The Prophecy

**Author's** **Note:** I freaking **LOVE** this game~!

First off, as you all know, South Park can be _extremely_ vulgar, so for those of you who cannot tolerate that, I would NOT recommend this story since it will be following the storyline of _South Park: The Stick of Truth._

Another little tidbit, you ARE a girl in this story, so don't be thrown off by all the 'he' and 'his' nonsense. It just takes a while for the other kids to realize that you're not actually part of the male species - HA! This is gonna be so much fuuun~!

You will be starting off with a friend whom you've kept in contact through the wonderful resources of the 'pen-pal project'. Hmmm, I wonder who it could be? XD

Until then, I leave you with this teaser. TTFN~!

 **Disclaimer:** All South Park characters belong to their rightful owners, Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

* * *

 _Deep in the lands of Zaron, the humans of Kuppa Keep struggle to stay alive as they are attacked by the wicked Drow Elves of Larnion._

 _Darkness falls as the humans beg their King to save them. A noble King, known only as the Grand Wizard._

 _For a thousand years the battle has been waged, with only the bravery of the Grand Wizard to protect his human followers. But even though the Wizard King is so undeniably cool, the Drow Elf armies continue their attacks. They seek the human's most treasured relic - the Stick of Truth._

 _But the tides of war are about to change, as news of a "new" kid spreads throughout the land._

 _In order to save the humans, the Grand Wizard must get the new kid - before the Drow Elves manipulate 'his' mind and USE 'him', to take the sacred relic from human hands._

 _For whomever controls the Stick...controls the universe._


	2. Little Mountain Town

**Disclaimer** **:** All South Park characters belong to their rightful owners, Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

* * *

 _ **"If I behave as though this is a completely normal situation, then maybe it will be ..."**_

The sound of the moving truck's tires dragging heavily across the pavement met your ears, directing your eyes towards the window, you watched wordlessly as the truck disappeared down the road. It's been the what, fourth (or was it the fifth - uh, can't remember anymore) time you've found yourself having to watch that truck drive off while settling into your latest home.

"And so it begins...again," you muttered dejectedly, turning your back to your window. Casting your gaze about your room, you noticed a few moving boxes here and there containing the last of your items that needed to be unloaded. Snorting softly, you decided you'd deal with the task later. You've been unpacking all morning, and you weren't too keen on wasting the remainder of your day doing the same thing. Spreading your arms out wide, you allowed your body to fall backwards. The feeling of a soft comforter hitting your spine caused a small sigh of relief to leave your lips. Well, on the upside, the new bed felt fabulous. That's a good thing, right? One thing to be happy about...

 _'Thump'_

Turning your head to the left, you found the source of the sound. Your backpack had fallen over due to your earlier action of falling back into bed. Propping yourself on your elbows, you found your attention drawn to a certain something that had been exposed during the little tumble.

Your love-worn Phillip action figure tumbled out of your backpack, capturing your attention due to the obscene gesture it was currently giving you. There, crafted on both of the action dolls hands, were single digits. Both were located in the center to give off the illusion that the well-known idol of children everywhere...was flipping you off. Crouching down in front of the figure, you stared at its black beady little eyes. You could just almost _hear_ a nasally voice stating that it 'just didn't give a fuck'. Chuckling softly under your breath, you carefully plucked Phillip off of the ground and stood up.

Well, one was accounted for. Now...where was - ah! There it is. Feeling your lips quirk up to form a smile, you reached into the depths of your backpack to pull out Phillip's companion. Your Terrance action figure was definitely not of the norm. Bright, vibrant red paint had been placed over the once onyx eyes. Placed atop of the figure's head was a set of horns, giving it an almost satanic look. The last piece that had been personified was an upside down cross strapped around its neck.

While you had been highly amused at the sight of your Terrance and Phillip action figures, your mother was a whole different case. At first she had thought you were extremely troubled and tried to sit you down for a 'talk'. It didn't help when you informed her that your new toys had been a gift from your pen-pals. If anything, it only made her extremely wary whenever she saw you on the internet or with your phone in hand. Her warning to be careful had gone in one ear and out the other. After all, you knew your friends better than she did. If anything, your two boys were more apathetic towards the world than most others usually were.

"Sweetie? Hon, are you all dressed?"

Before you even had time to respond, your door was open and your parents had barged in. Your mother had to bite her tongue after casting a quick glimpse about your room. Those horrid dolls were already displayed proudly on your bed, one flipping her off and the other staring her down with those blood red eyes. A large poster of an astronaut was hanging on your wall located to the right of the window. Upon closer inspection, your mother noticed that a small photograph could be seen attached to the poster. If she recalled correctly, it was of one of your little friends posing as a Spaceman...and flipping the camera off. Meanwhile, your desk was littered with those unholy trinkets your _other_ little friend had sent you over the years.

"Hey, champ," your father greeted you enthusiastically while spreading his arms wide to gesture about your small quarters. "How do you like your new room?!"

Releasing a small sigh, your mother could not prevent herself from rolling her eyes. There he went with the labels again. Her husband constantly referred to you as a boy, which in return, caused you to resent him. It was no secret that his first choice was to have a son, so when you were born...well, your father didn't do a very good job of trying to hide his disappointment.

Deciding to openly ignore your lack of response, your father began to speak once again. "I know it's a big change for all of us, but...champ, do you _remember_ why we moved to this quiet little mountain town?"

"..." You stared at your parents, watching silently as they exchanged nervous glances with one another before turning their attention back to you.

"Champ doesn't remember."

"She doesn't remember at all -"

"That's good. That's good champ doesn't remember!"

They weren't serious, were they? Did they actually believe that you couldn't hear them having a quiet discussion right in _front_ of you? Staring at their oblivious faces as they continued to stare at you as if you were some kind of retard, you came to the conclusion that they were indeed treating you like a 5-year old with ADD. For Pete's Sake, the whole reason your family had moved was due to that unfortunate 'incident' a few weeks back. How could _anyone_ possibly forget THAT?

"Uh, sweetie," your mother's soft voice broke you out of your pessimistic thoughts, "we want you to have lots of fun here. Why don't you go out and make some friends?"

"Right, get outside and PLAY, champ," your father encouraged, gesturing towards your window to try and get his point across. That 100 watt smile on his face wasn't fooling you for a second. "Like...like _normal_ kids."

And THERE'S the insult you knew he had been saving for you.

Your mother was not oblivious to rising tension between you and your father. Quickly stepping in to try and prevent any outbursts, she decided it would be best to try a peace offering. "We've got some money for you on the kitchen counter, sweetie," your mother cooed softly, quietly taking in your bland reaction. "Just...just be back before it gets dark."

"..." you refused to budge, staring defiantly at you parents as the two continued to stare at you whilst eagerly waiting for a response that they very well knew would never come.

A loud scoff escaped your fathers lips. His shoulders hunched forward while his arms raised to perform a shrugging motion. "Yeah, we love you too," your father's sarcastic tone filtered through the air, gaining a reprimanding look from your mother due to his carless actions. Releasing one last sound of annoyance, your father turned on his heel and left your room.

 _*Good riddance...*_ Crossing your arms over your chest, your [e/c] eyes locked with your mother's, silently daring her to try and cross the boundary that her husband had done just moments ago. Arching a brow, you watched the woman sigh softly before turning her back to you and began her trek downstairs. _*Took you long enough.*_

Rubbing your face in your hands, you silently debated on whether or not you should appease your parents by doing what they had asked. Part of you wanted to ignore them, just to spite that old man. The other part wanted out of here as soon as possible. Why put up with all this bullcrap, anyway? Might as well explore the neighborhood. Nodding to yourself in affirmation, you quickly bound to your door, but not before swiping your cell phone off of your desk in the process. Grasping a hold of your brass door knob, you tugged it shut behind you. Wouldn't want your parents snooping around again - that is the last thing you need right now.

"Ah, look who decided to actually listen for once."

Turning a deaf ear to your father's irritating tone, you made a beeline for the kitchen. The money your mother had left out for you was sitting on the counter. Wow, a whole whooping 80 cents! Aren't you the lucky one? Pfffft. Staring at the change in the palm of your hand, you seriously had to wonder what your parents thought you could possibly hope to afford with this. Maybe you could throw it at some hobos, that would be entertaining. Slipping the coins into your pocket, you turned on your heel and headed towards the front door. The downside? Having to pass your father in the living room in order to do so. You could see the man opening his mouth for some kind of snarky remark. Okay, let's quicken the pace, shall we?

"Don't forget to act normal!"

...Motherfucker!

Slamming the door with more force than was necessary, you relished in the sound of a few cracks cutting through the wood due to your abrasive actions. Snickering quietly to yourself, you turned on your heel and waltzed off the door step, deciding you'd leave the damage to the front door as a surprise for 'daddy dearest'. Eh heh heh. You had barely made it three steps from your front step when a low voice suddenly filtered through the air to address your previous actions.

"Probably could've used a bit more force when slamming that door shut. Then again...a simple curse would have sufficed, but we both know how bad you suck at that kind of thing."


	3. All Hail the Grand Wizard Fatass

So far only ONE of your pen-pals have been revealed. There's still one other who shall remain a mystery until their identity is revealed in the next chapter or two. Unless of course, you've already figured out who he is~ Heh heh!

Just a friendly reminder to all that you ARE a girl in this story. The boys just don't know it yet, so they're going to refer to you as 'he' and so forth. No need to get confused by the labels, I repeat, you ARE a girl in this fanfiction.

On with the story!

Enjoy, guys! Also, reviews are _greatly_ appreciated

 **Disclaimer** **:** All South Park characters belong to their rightful owners, Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

* * *

 _ **"The plot is deceptively simple. Condensed even further, it might read as a personal ad in some questfinder's forum: Unlikely hero to save world from cataclysm. Seeks motley assortment of companions. Sidequests guaranteed."**_

You stared on in disbelief at the tall figure standing at the edge of your driveway. His ashy skin gave him the appearance of a sickly boy, but you knew better than to judge his health based off of that silly little observation. Pointy ears could be seen peeking out of his wild, unruly raven locks. His brows were furrowed together to display a disinterested expression, those captivating red eyes of his displaying the same message. A silver necklace was situated on his chest, the upside down cross was almost an exact duplicate to the one hidden beneath your own shirt. The moment your eyes met his, grins were shared between the two of you. Sharp fangs glinted in the sunlight, causing your smile to widen as you barreled down the steps to throw yourself into your dear friend's awaiting arms.

"Damien!" your loud squeal of delight startled some birds from the trees, despite the overwhelming volume of your tone, the raven haired male paid no heed to the strange looks you both were receiving from a few strangers. Oblivious to the stares, your excitement slurred your words together, earning an amused chuckle from your beloved friend as you tried your best to calm down enough so that you could properly speak. Burying your face into the soft fabric of his shirt, your muffled voice filtered through the air. "I can't believe I _finally_ get to meet you face-to-face!"

Damien's deep chuckles resonated with your soul. Unable to keep your smile from widening, you pulled back and marveled at his fanged grin. A large hand situated itself atop of your head, ruffling your already mused hair. "It's nice to finally see you in person too, [Name]."

After your racing heart slowed down to its regular beating pace, you found yourself glancing curiously around for any sign of your second friend. Surely he would have taken the time to come greet you in his own hometown like Damien had, right? This didn't appear to be the case, seeing as how your demon companion was all by his lonesome. How odd. Furrowing your brows together in concern, you locked eyes with Damien, your question slipping from your lips with ease. "Hey, where is...?"

Before you were even able to finish your sentence, Damien had already graced you with an answer accompanied by an eye roll. "He landed himself in detention - _again,_ " the spawn of Satan relayed with a small huff, allowing his hands to leave the small of your back and merely situate itself in your own smaller one so that he could tug you along to join him for a walk through the neighborhood. Already knowing what you were about to ask, Damien formed an answer faster than you could pose a question. "If you must know, he flipped the principal off - twice. When confronted, he denied, and then flipped Mr. Mackey off - thrice."

You tried your best not to laugh, really you did, but the visual of your dear friend giving his superiors the bird was just too much to handle. Damien arched a brow and shot you a look when your laughter filled the air, drawing attention from a few passerby and earning a few concerned glances in the process. Your raven haired friend patiently waited for you to gather your wit again - which took about another three minutes before you finally ceased your sounds of amusement. Wincing slightly at the sore feeling pulsing throughout your stomach as a result of your overzealous laughter, you rubbed your aching belly while shooting a sheepish grin in Damien's direction. The male responded with a small huff, "How have you been holding up?"

You found yourself blinking in surprise. It was so rare for someone to actually ask how you were fairing - almost bordering on the line of never. Sure, your two male companions had inquired about you on occasion during the Skype sessions, but other than those instances, that was about it. You were so used to having to hold your tongue

"In all honesty, it _was_ difficult trying adjust to...everything," you mumbled lightly, furrowing your brows at the thought of what you and your family have been through these last few weeks. Giving a small shake of your head to rid yourself of any pessimistic thoughts that tried to bring you down, you turned your gaze towards Damien. Feeling your lips tilting upwards to form a grin, you were unable to hide your apparent happiness at the hint of concern shining in the young man's eyes. Quickly tightening your hold on Damien's larger hand, you marveled in the warm feeling his appendage gave you. Your action had startled the poor boy, causing him to grace you with a bewildered look that easily translated to 'what-the-HECK-are-you-doing?!'. Snorting softly at Daimen's obvious lack of knowledge when it comes to human contact, you merely tightened your hold further on his hand while your smile morphed into a giddy grin. "But with you and Commander Flipper at my side, I have a feeling everything's going to be just fine~"

Damien's soft huff reassured you that the feeling was mutual. Despite his lack of actually voicing his true feelings, the message was still received and you honestly wouldn't have him any other way. Besides, it was so much fun to watch him and his awkward attempts to display his emotions to you. Feeling your lips tilt upwards, you found yourself seeking a quick glimpse of those handsome red eyes of Damien's.

"Sooo~ what's there to do in this quiet little mountain town?" you inquired curiously in an attempt to mask your apparent ogling of his unique pupils.

Damien released a small snort, subconsciously tightening his grip on your hand. The small action caused a smile to appear on your features, filling your heart with happiness to know that you could always count on your friends to cheer you up. "I wouldn't go around seeking ideas from the adults," Damien began, casting a dark glare at a young couple that was passing by. Their gossiping whispers halted the moment their eyes clashed. It only took one glare from Damien to send those two scurrying away. "Tch. They're retards - all of 'em."

"Seriously?" you peered over your shoulder at the retreating couple. Their condescending looks had rubbed you the wrong way, and you weren't particularly fond of the way they had gazed at Damien as if he were some sort of monster. Narrowing your eyes at their fading forms, you turned your attention back to your friend. "Okay, stay away from the adults - got it. So, what about the other kids? Are they...um, sane?"

A deep chuckle escaped from Damien's lips after hearing your question. "Sane? When is _anyone_ ever 'sane' in South Park!?"

"...That's not very reassuring, Dai-Dai," you whined childishly.

"Hmph," gathering his wits, Damien cast you a brief glance before finishing his sentence. "Well, if you must know, the kids around here are certainly..." trailing off for a moment, the young man's lips formed a frown as he tried to come up with a 'nice' explanation for you. Then again, when was there ever anything to compliment on in this crazy hick town, anyway? Releasing a small snuff of air, Damien picked up where he left off. "Eccentric. They're...okay, I guess. Just don't mix in with the wrong crowd."

You arched a brow, your interest piqued by the vague tone Damien had used while describing the other kids. "Wrong crowd? Just who exactly would be labeled as the 'wrong crowd'?"

"Cartman, or in other terms - fatass," was Damien's immediate response. The seriousness he had spoken with matched his deadpan expression, it's just...the fact that he even called some other kid a 'fatass'...

Your friend shot you an exasperated glare the moment you burst into a fit of giggles. "I'm serious, [Name]. Don't get mixed up with that guy. He's crazy!"

"You're going to have to elaborate that a bit more for me to understand," you mused with a grin, your heart inflating with joy at the sound of Damien's irritated curses.

"He's not right in the head, and that's saying something considering my own origins," Damien explained to you, his red eyes boring into your own [e/c] ones to make sure that you were paying attention to what he was saying. "He's a sociopath, and for the life of me, I don't know how he even manages to have actual friends - it's just batshit crazy, seriously." Bringing his right hand up so that he could lightly chew the tip of his thumb, Damien tried to gather his flustered thoughts. It would probably be a good thing to inform you of the current happenings these crazy kids were doing so that you would know to steer clear of it entirely. Yeah...that would probably be best. Last thing he needed was you getting mixed up with lardo.

"Fatass organized a new game," Damien revealed, immediately snagging your full attention at the topic. "He's got all the neighborhood kids playing it, actually. It's so confusing, I never really followed through with it, but from what Flipper told me," Damien decided to stick with your latest nickname for your missing amigo, "Fatass is some wizard, the king? Ugh, I dunno. He's waged war against the other kids...the elves? Yeah, that was it. Anyways, there's this whole ridiculous battle going on right now over a twig, so take my advice and just avoid that retarded game at all costs - I don't care what Flipper has to say on the matter, just _don't_ join, okay?"

Allowing his eyes to drift down to your smaller form, Damien found a groan slipping past his lips at the sight of your starry eyes after hearing there was an intense 'war' being waged between the kids of South Park. Okay, that plan backfired in the worst way possible. Then again, it probably didn't help that you guys played LOTRO almost every night. Gosh damn it! Wracking his brains for any possible retorts he could use to try and delude you from becoming completely involved with these fucking retards (especially that fatass!), Damien was pulled from his thoughts at the sounds of a scuffle occurring just up ahead.

"You shall die by my war hammer, drow elf!"

"Nuh uh!"

Oh for fuck's sake! Damien's right brow twitched angrily at the sight of two kids going at each other as if their lives depended on it. They were donning odd costumes, and it didn't take a genius to figure out that they were involved in that stupid game that had taken the neighborhood by storm.

"I banish thee to the forest realm!"

"No way, I banish you first! Ha HA! You can't hold out much longer."

"Damien..." you tugged on the male's sleeve, your brows furrowing together at the sight of that poor kid being pummeled right in front of you. Those blows were just downright nasty, being aimed straight for his face and stomach. "Damien!" giving yet another forceful tug on your friend's sleeve, you peered up at his face. The demon spawn's lips were currently drawn into a tight frown, his sharp, beady eyes narrowed at the sight of the kid draped in an elf costume. Despite your protests, Damien wasn't too keen on getting involved in this little spat. After all, the kid that was getting picked on was none other than Butters Stotch. He was currently garbed in his outfit for that retarded game the neighborhood kids made up. This all lead to the fact that Butters was under the command of fatass, and that was something Damien did **NOT** want you involved in.

"Forget it, [Name]. You shouldn't get wrapped up in this..." Damien began, his red eyes drifting towards his left to make sure he got his point across. However, he was met with thin air, causing his neck to practically snap in half as he whipped it back to the front to catch sight of your form racing to the aid of Butters. Feeling his right eye twitch in annoyance, Damien felt his body lurch forward, various curses spilling from his lips in his native tongue. "Fucking damn it, [Name]! I said stay out of it!"

"HELP! SOMEBODY! I can't hold out much longer!" the bully placed a nasty right hook to Butters' head, causing the boy to lose his balance and hit the pavement with a harsh 'thud'. Unfortunately, the attacks didn't stop there, they only increased and grew more brutal with each smack to the face. Raising his arms up to try and somehow deflect the blows, Butters' released a loud screech that echoed throughout the air. "HEEEELLLLPPP!"

That was all you needed to hear before you clocked back your arm and threw all of your weight into your right fist, launching it forward and listening on in complete and utter satisfaction as it collided with the back of the bully's head, causing it to snap forward and halting his current pummeling of Butters. Dropping the wooden dagger he had previously been using to smack his foe with, the bully latched both of his hands to cradle his aching head. Whipping around to face you, his watery eyes narrowed at the sight of your angry expression. "Hey, no fair. That's cheating!" his voice cracked, indicating that he was barely holding his composure together. "I'm going to tell my mom," was the last dying threat that left his tongue before his eyes locked on the menacing form looming behind you. Deciding to hightail it outta there, the bully immediately took his leave before Damien could even utter a single curse. Hmph... wise kid.

Cradling your sore appendage, you released a small huff, determined to keep your gaze from locking with Damien's. You could just _feel_ the animosity roiling off his body in waves. It would not be in your best interest to engage him in an argument when he was angry - it would not end well for you. The thought of being turned into a platypus or a spontaneous burst of fireworks was not entirely appealing at this point. Your innocent humming did nothing to lighten the ill mood of your demon friend. _*Craaaaaap~*_ you were sweating bullets at this point, and your eyes could no longer remain ignorant of Damien's seething form. [E/c] locked with red, and you did your best to pull off a warm smile to try and somehow quell the male's imminent rage. "Heeeey, Damien~"

Your sing-song voice was not getting you out of trouble this time. Narrowing his eyes at your smaller frame, Damien grit his teeth, his back molars grinding together painfully as his voice left him in a dangerously low tone. "I thought I told you **NOT** to get involved?"

Puffing your cheeks out, you averted your gaze as your features formed an adorable pout. "I know, I know. You said it loud and clear, but I honestly couldn't just sit by and let this poor kid get his face pummeled in! I mean, I was standing _right there._ I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I just stood by and did _nothing._ "

A staggered breath left Damien's chapped lips. You had mentioned about the horrific bullying problem you had encountered during your younger years, and it was obvious this little spat between Butters and that 'elf' kid had struck a chord in you. Dragging his large hand down his face, Damien did a silent countdown to try and lower the bubbling rage in his system. The last of his anger diminished when his eyes locked onto the redness of your knuckles that you were currently cradling. Well, if there was one thing he had to admit, you had a mean punch. "Here, let me see..." Damien muttered softly, holding his hands out to show that he was no longer mad. The hesitance in your eyes only lasted for a moment before you timidly held your injured hand out to your friend. Carefully running this thumb over the raw skin of your knuckles, Damien allowed a small smirk to flit across his lips. "Heh, you sure pack a punch, [Name]. Who knew you had it in you? Seeing as how small you are and all~"

A light blush erupted on your face, causing your to jerk your hand out of Damien's hold as you then proceeded to cuss him. "It's not my fault I'm so short! It's YOUR fault for being so goddam tall, ya jackass! AUGH!"

Butters' eyes widened in shock as the sound of Damien's rich laughter filled the air. Timidly attaching his war hammer back on his utility belt, the blonde boy silently observed the interactions between the new kid and Damien. No one ever spoke to the dark brooding male due to the fact that he was the spawn of Satan. Yet, here he was making jokes with the new kid - and laughing! It was just so...so...weird. Quickly getting to his feet, Butters gave his costume a quick dust off before addressing you and officially putting an end to yours and Damien's discussion. "Thanks, kid. I didn't realize he had a health potion."

The light smile that had been on your dear friend's lips instantly vanished the moment that little blonde boy spoke. Casting a quick, worried glance in Damien's direction, you silently observed the way he drew away from Butters, taking refuge insanely close by your side.

"My-my name is Butters the Merciful, I'm a paladin," the young boy introduced himself with a bright smile before gesturing towards the burgundy house located beside your family's. "I live right next door to you! We should be friends!"

Next door neighbor? Well, this was certainly an odd coincidence. Too absorbed in your own thoughts, you were oblivious to the movement Butters made. Quickly pulling out his cell phone, the chipper boy punched in a few words before a loud 'ping' suddenly sounded from your pocket, effectively drawing you out of your daze. "Eh?" pulling the phone from the confines of your pocket, you clicked the power button and slid the bar to the right to unlock the safety. An alert popped up the moment you logged into your phone. Apparently you had received a friend request. Hitting the 'accept' button, your eyes widened in surprise at the sight of Butters' smiling face icon situating itself under your 'friends' bar, right next to Damien and Commander Flipper.

"Now that we're friends, you should speak with the Wizard King! He's been talking about your arrival!" Butters voice drifted through your ears, easily capturing your attention and directing it towards the speaker. Quickly turning on his heel, Butters started down the sidewalk heading towards the next house. "The wizard lives this way. In the green house, over there."

"Woah, wait..." you stuttered, completely caught by surprise with how fast this was all happening. "Wizard King? Isn't that...Cartman?" [e/c] locked with red, your question silently being answered with Damien's irritated expression. Okay, that was an 'affirmative' then. Quickly glancing between Butters and your moody companion, you debated on whether or not you should follow your neighbor. The sound of your phone dinging caused you to glance down at the object in your hands. It looks like you just received a new message on Facebook.

 **Butters :** _Hey everybody! There's a new kid playing with us, and me and him are friends! That way nobody picks on him._

"...Uh," peering up at your friend, you watched Damien shrug his shoulders. He was obviously letting you decide what to do - and for once, you had to admit that you wished he would lend you his opinion. Sure, he had already voiced his thoughts about steering clear from 'fatass'. Did that mean ignore Butters entirely if he was in cahoots with Cartman? "Ugh!" ruffling your hair with your hands, you glanced towards your new neighbor to see him waiting further up ahead with a large smile on his features. The moment he caught your eye, he waved enthusiastically, garnering a few looks from the passerby. "...You...you can't say 'no' to that!" you whined childishly, gesturing towards the hundred watt smile emanating from Butters' face. Damien gave a small roll of his eyes in response, trailing loyally after your smaller form as you began to timidly make your way after Butters.

"Hey, where are you from?" Butters asked conversationally, practically skipping along the path to Cartman's abode. Before you could answer, he bombarded you with another question. "Where'd you live before moving here?" Opening your mouth to respond, your words fell silent upon catching sight of a cloth banner draped along the wooden fence. It read 'Kupa Keep', earning a confused expression from you. Was that supposed to be a hideout name or something? Butters' voice spoke once more, inquiring about a different topic. "Do you like Colorado?"

"It's...okay, I guess?" you replied warily, unsure of how to properly respond. Lucky for you, the one-sided conversation was cut short upon arrival at Cartman's house (geez, that was fast). Butters quickly skipped up the steps and banged his fist three times on the wooden door. You and Damien remained at the foot of the steps, not wanting to proceed any further. Just seconds after Butters banged on the door, the wooden object opened to reveal an extremely chubby kid dawned in a red robe with a large blue wizard hat placed atop of his shaggy brown locks. In his right hand was a staff, chipped ever so slightly at the top (you had a feeling he had bashed quite a few kids in the head with this thing). The last clothing piece to his whole ensemble was a dark blue cape, its impressive length reached the floor.

Raising his war hammer high above his head, Butters out stretched both his arms while gesturing towards Cartman. "All hail the Grand Wizard!"

...Were these guys serious?

"So, you are the New Kid. Your coming was foretold by the Coldwell Banker. I am the Wizard King," Cartman exclaimed loudly, tapping the floor with the butt of his staff while addressing his title. You shared a quick glance with Damien before redirecting your attention back to the kid before you. "But the time for talk is not nigh. Let me show you my kingdom."

Before you could even take one step forward to follow Cartman into his house, the Grand Wizard suddenly spazzed out, catching you by surprise and causing you to stumble back into Damien's protective hold. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Who the _fuck_ said _you_ could play, weirdo?!" Cartman snapped, using his staff to gesture towards your dear friend. "You're not allowed to play with us - so go crawl back to the underworld where you belong, you fucking freak!"

"Hey!" quickly taking a stand in front of Damien, you locked gazes with Cartman, determined to see to it that he apologized to your friend for being so damn rude! "Don't talk to him like that. He's my friend! Apologize to him right now!"

Cartman scoffed at you, giving you a full view of his back as he once again slammed the butt of his staff against the floor to direct all attention towards himself. "As if! I made it perfectly clear that I did not want any _freaks_ in my army. It's bad enough I have those fucking Jew elves ambushing me and wrecking my awesome kingdom - I don't need another spy running around and ruining all of my goddam work!"

Feeling your right eye twitch in annoyance at the blatant disrespect this fat kid was giving your friend, it was easy to come to the solution that Damien had been 100% right about Cartman - he was a freakin' psycho! "Fine," you huffed irritably, taking a step back while shooting the brunette a scathing glare. "If Damien's not welcomed, then I don't want to play your stupid little game."

"Stupid little-?!" Cartman whipped around to face you, his cheeks stained with a bright red flush to indicate the anger he was currently feeling. "You can't decide to NOT play the game! You're the New Kid, the one that the prophecy foretold! You were chosen to side with me, and I will not stand to have you disrespect my authoritah!"

Arching a brow at Cartman's weird pronunciation of 'authority', you defiantly crossed your arms and straightened your back to show that you were not going to falter on your decision. "I'll say it again, unless you apologize to Damien and let him play, then I refuse to join your little army - prophecy or no."

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!" quickly whirling around, Cartman shoulders hunched as the male cursed under his breath, repeatedly slamming the butt of his staff onto the floor while he worked through his anger. Despite the fact that he wanted to smack you upside the head until you obeyed his command, he simply could not afford to chase you off and later find out that you've sided with those fucking drow elves! If that blasted Jew elf thought he could one up the Grand Wizard - he was dead wrong! Allowing the cogs to work overtime in his deceptive little mind, Cartman formulated a plan that would soothe your ill will towards him while also gaining the upper hand and your undying loyalty. Clearing his throat for show, Cartman slowly turned around, his left eye twitching sporadically while his lips pulled back to form an _extremely_ forced smile.

"Aw, look! He's smiling~!" Butters gasped in delight, clapping his hands together after witnessing such a rare display of emotion from the Grand Wizard.

 _*That...doesn't look natural,*_ you thought to yourself with an inward cringe, unable to tear your gaze away from the sight of a 'smiling' Cartman in front of you.

"Friiiiiiiends~" the sugar-coated words left the wizard's lips in a drawl, causing you and Damien to share a brief glance before returning your attention back towards the speaker. "We shouldn't be fighting at a time like this - we should be working _together~_ " Forcefully pushing himself between you and your companion, Cartman placed his hand on your shoulder and gave it a rough squeeze. A small grunt of air sounded from your right, informing you that fatso was probably administrating more force with Damien's little 'shoulder grope'. "So why don't we all just put this little spat behind us and focus on taking out those fucking drow elves, hmmm~?"

...He wasn't going to apologize to Damien, was he? Despite the fact that this kid was a conniving little twerp, you couldn't help but admit that his deceit was pretty impressive to be so direct while also being able to get away with it scotch-free...for now. Carefully shrugging Cartman's hand off of your shoulder, you took a side-step to the left to distance yourself from the kid. "Fine," you grumbled, feeling your stomach twist uncomfortably at the sight of Cartman's forced smile quickly morphing into a victorious smirk. Clearly this guy was used to _always_ getting his way - no wonder he was so good at sugar-coating his poisonous words. However, despite the fact that he had dragged you into this little game of his, you were still not going to budge on having Damien being disregarded. "I'll play by your rules, Grand Wizard," you spoke, carefully observing the way Cartman's eyes lit up while his smirk grew wider after hearing you pledge your loyalty to him. "On one condition~" you were unable to prevent a grin from appearing on your features at the sight of Cartman's smirk disappearing entirely from his visage.

Silently observing the way his hand tightened dangerously around his staff, you deduced that Cartman wasn't peachy keen about having to hear your demands. However, you did have to give him props for not blowing up at you like you had originally expected. Sure, he was gritting his teeth and glaring daggers at you, but he wasn't cussing you out or outright denying your proposition. Cartman released a low hiss, his right eye twitching horrifically in a display of rising anger. Forcing his lips to pull back and form a forced grin, Cartman pushed his question through gritted teeth. "WhAt iS yOuR cOnDiTiOn?"

 _*He's trying...give him props for trying...*_ Although his rage was clear to you, it did not falter you in the slightest. Taking a deep breath, you voiced your desire. "I want Damien to be my partner in this game. So treat him just as importantly as you would me and this 'New Kid's' role, okay?"

"..." Seeing that his anger was not invisible to you, Cartman released his irritated sigh and gave a roll of his eyes. "Fiiiiine!" the brunette snapped harshly, shooting Damien a glare. Whipping his head around to face you once more, Cartman leveled you with a stare. "I'll let the fucking freak join the game, but you both are under MY authoritah, so what I say goes and I don't want either of you stabbing me in the fucking back, got it?!"

Grinning widely in delight at having Cartman agree with your terms, you nodded your head to show that you understood. Your action calmed the raging boy, his shifty eyes shooting you one more warning glare before coming to the conclusion that you weren't going to spout anymore nonsense. Cursing quietly under his breath for having passed the notion of allowing...freakozoid...to join his 'cool' army, Cartman raised his left hand to adjust his wizard hat which had become askew during his little tantrum. Casting a wary glance over his shoulder at the demon child hovering by your form, Cartman rammed the butt of his staff on the ground to garner the group's attention. "Let us go to my glorious kingdom~!"

Disappearing into his home with Butters trailing his heels, Cartman's voice called out to you, telling you to 'hurry the fuck up' since you had yet to move an inch from the doorway. "Well, I guess we're part of the game now," you mused to your dear friend, giving him a weak grin before taking a cautious step inside the house. Damien's dull tone of 'fucking 'yay' for us' did not go unnoticed, effectively informing you that he was not at all pleased with the results. Fearing for a moment that your demon friend would ditch you in an effort to avoid this mess entirely, your heart gave a stuttering sigh upon hearing the sound of his heavy footsteps following behind you.

"Oh, who's your new friend, Eric?"

All eyes locked on the figure seated on the couch. Ah, that must be Cartman's mother, you noted silently to yourself, scurrying after the boy as he bypassed his mother entirely without even sparing her a glance. He did, however, manage to have _some_ time to spout a few short words. "Shut up, Mom. Not now."

Pausing for a moment in front of the woman, you opened you mouth to introduce yourself. Cartman had other ideas, if the light whack against your back by his wooden staff was anything to go by. Shooting an irritated glare in the offending person's direction, you were met with Cartman's clipped response. "Don't talk to her, she's not part of the game."

"Just follow fatass so we can get this over with," Damien ushered softly into your ear, his hand situating itself on the small of your back and giving you a gentle nudge. You didn't need to be told twice, so you kept your mouth shut and trailed after Cartman and Butters as the two boys led you through the living room, into the kitchen and out the back door.

The moment you stepped out onto the porch, the wizard deemed it worthy to finally announce your arrival to his land. Tilting his head back slightly, Cartman shot you a small smirk while wiggling his eyebrows. Your eye roll was met with his obnoxious laughter before he finally ceased his 'silent' bragging and gestured grandly to his backyard. "Welcome...to the Kingdom of Kupa Keep!"


End file.
